Week Three: I Got Nothing

Week Three has found our group approximately a quarter of the way through the Bible.  It's been tedious at times, exhilarating at others.  I'm glad I signed up to do this.

That said, I didn't really have any fantastic moments of insight this week.  I didn't even have any real "Yes!" moments when it all fit together and I couldn't wait to sit down and translate my still slightly jumbled thoughts into an intelligible blog post.  There were moments, of course, when I noticed how neatly God works.  In one chapter of Judges, the son of the concubine rises up against his half-brothers and the Lord.  A couple chapters later, the son of a prostitute is driven away by his half-brothers only to be called back by the people to lead them in the power of the Lord.  I enjoyed the reading and believed it worthwhile, beneficial, and many times beautiful, but didn't feel grandly inspired.  As I laid beside a sleepy toddler, thinking what I'd write this week, I had to admit, "I got nothin'."

Which is just fine.

Too often, we approach the Scriptures eagerly anticipating the sort of revelation that cannot be kept secret.  We want to walk away with new insight, new conviction, new inspiration.  In the absence of such newness, we sometimes give up and walk away, deeming either Scripture uninspiring or ourselves uninspired.

What we might forget is that the Bible, like its Giver, is not a magic pill.  We are not guaranteed specific, dramatic results every time we read the Bible or say a prayer.  The Christian life is a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, and just as in any human relationship, sometimes rendezvous aren't all that smashing.  We still need to get together, though.  First, because if we don't persist through uninspired days, weeks, even years, then we are unlikely ever to experience anything of another person - or in the case of Scripture reading, of God himself - worth experiencing, let alone putting into words.  Second, because sometimes gathering by candlelight with one is more magnificent than fireworks with a crowd.  Sometimes we need a boring night at home with the ones closest to us, even if no one speaks a word.

So I guess even having "got nothin'," I did get something:  A casual, unimposing evening at home with the King.

And that is something marvelous.

Week Two: Falling Behind, Keeping Watch, and Finding Grace (or Catching Up or Being Recaptured)

This week's title is uncomfortably long and disjointed.  So were my reading habits over the past seven days.  Searching for a common thread through Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy, a thread which I could somehow tie to the 90 Day Bible reading challenge and to life in general, three ideas emerged above the rest.

1.  Falling  Behind.  I started the week a couple chapters ahead, but by the weekend, not even halfway to our Wednesday meeting, I was pitifully behind.  By Monday night, with half of Numbers all of Deuternonomy unread, I wondered if I would finish by 8p.m. Wednesday.  My children's Bible verse for the week did little to lift my spirits - For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  Yep, I'm falling short this week...  


The content of Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy confirmed the truth of Romans 3:23.  Time after time, the Israelites, from the least to the greatest, sinned and fell short of God's glory, a glory hinted at in the stern consequences of sins and the precise directions for sacrifices.  Falling behind in one's Bible reading is not quite on par with, say, reveling around a golden calf, but I felt a kinship with the Israelites nonetheless.  However lofty our intentions, we never get it all the way right.  Sometimes we get it downright awful.


2.  Keeping Watch.  Why did I not stick to the prescribed reading schedule?  Why did the Israelites repeatedly stray from the God who'd led them out of Egypt with great signs and miracles?  Deuteronomy 4:9 offers the following instructions:

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely 

so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen 

or let them slip from your heart as long as you live.  

Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

I confess I did not use my time carefully.  We did have a busy week, with children in VBS and soccer during the week, and housecleaning and company on the weekend.  But the real problem was that I flat-out wasted time that could have been spent reading my Bible.  On what did I waste my time?  I don't even know.  Because I was not careful with my time, it slipped away completely unaccounted for. The repeated cautions to "watch yourselves" and "be careful" suggest that carelessness also led the Israelites astray, just as it continues to lead people astray today.  

Many of us, myself way too often included, are not in the habit, on the whole, of carefully counting our time - or our thoughts and attitudes - and making them captive to Christ.  Read II Corinthians 10:5:  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  It's a tall order, this taking captive of every...  single... thought, and submitting it to Christ to determine whether the thought stays or goes.  (And often, we'd rather keep the ones He would tell us to toss).  Ungodly thoughts aside, there are eons of moments in which we are numb to everything, good or evil.  Those uncounted moments, pregnant with unevaluated thoughts and indifferent attitudes, may not seem harmful singly, but over time amass to wasted hours and give birth to spiritually senseless minds and hardened hearts.

God cautioned the Israelites to watch themselves, to be careful, to remember what He had done, that they might not forget Him, that their awe and love for Him might not slip from their hearts.  We must take His advice to them to heart.  Watch yourself closely, conduct yourself carefully, remember your God always.  Teach what God has done to your children and their children, that you may remember and they may know who He is and what He has done.


3.  Finding Grace (or Catching Up or Being Recaptured).  At last, they happy ending!  Thanks to Robotics Camp, which blessed my older children with two days off school, I had some extra free time this week in which I was able to complete this week's reading.  I read throughout the day in short spurts and long, and was encouraged by the gentle words of love and promise throughout Deuteronomy.  The people had sinned and would sin again.  I cringed a little at the warnings of being cut off and completely destroyed, but oh, the words of promise if Israel would but follow the Lord! God loved these desert wanderers who seemed to stumble and fall more than they walked.  He yearned for them to follow His decrees for their good, and He longed to dwell among them and bless them beyond their wildest imagination.  With every tumble they took, He picked them up, disciplined them, and promised future blessing if they would but walk in obedience.  They fell behind.  He waited for them to catch up...  or maybe He circled around and recaptured them from behind.  Whatever the case, He loved them dearly and oh, so patiently!

And so He loves us. He knows our sins, our weaknesses, or struggles.  He knows it all and loves us still, longs for us, really.  He instructs us not to offer bulls, goats, and sheep, but to trust in the efficacy of the ultimate sacrifice for our sins, His very own Son.  He knows, even having been declared righteous through Jesus Christ, we will be careless, we will forget, we will be distracted. So He implores us also, "Watch yourself.  Be careful.  Remember!"

I find that as I watch myself, as I did while trying to catch up on my reading, what were previously shiftless moments are filled with purpose, and my thoughts and emotions line up to obey Christ.  (Well, more so than they did before, anyhow... There are still thoughts that try to skirt the trash can!)  Enormous grace rests in the discipline of watching closely, living carefully - a grace that goes far beyond finding time to read two books of Old Testament Law in a seemingly impossible time frame.  It is a grace that imparts peace and purpose, that equips us to teach our children (and our children's children) the ways and nature of God, that they too might share in His blessing.

I hope and pray that I will remain watchful and careful, but already find myself slipping into habits of distractibility.  I know enough of Israel's history and human nature, especially my own, to know that I'm going to forget to be watchful and careful.  But I will pray and I will strive, and maybe someday I'll teach my children, and later my children's children, how God taught me to be always watchful, always careful, always reminiscent of His gracious, awe-inspiring love.

Week One: Accepting the Challenge

I debated blogging on this at all.  Blogs tend by their very nature to be egocentric, and I fear that a blog about Scripture reading might run smack dab into preachy self-righteousness.  Then again, if I go into this with the intent to write something about it, I'll be a bit more attentive, a bit more thoughtful, and in the end, get a lot more out of the whole experience.  And if I think that someone, anyone, might actually read what I write, I'll be even more careful to consider and communicate it well (I hope).  In many ways, this blog is more about keeping myself on track than anything else.  (See, blogs are all about the blogger!:))   Seriously, I hope do I have some small something to offer, however much carefully considered writing may benefit me.  So read it or leave it... but please don't think I think you have to or even ought to read what I write.


The challenge had been issued, the invitation sent.  A small group was forming in our church for the purpose of reading through the Bible in ninety days.

"So, are you going to do it?"  my husband asked.

"I'd like to," I replied. "I'm just not sure I have the time."

"Sure you do," he remarked in that sometimes irritating tone that indicates he's going to shut down all your excuses.  "Get off Facebook."

"Um...  Er...  Gulp."  He had me.  At the end of the day, I do like to sit down to check my email, see what's going on in the Facebook world, play a game or two, then look at the clock and wonder where on earth the time went.  I'd either have to read the Bible in ninety days, or acknowledge the sad fact that farting around on the computer takes precedence over immersing myself in God's Word.  I was not about to do that. Mindlessly wiling away the evening hours may be easier and even more enjoyable than spending 45 minutes reading the Bible, but it is certainly not more important, nor ultimately, more rewarding.

So I signed up.

I signed up, but I did so a bit timidly, telling the group organizer that I might not be able to make all the meetings, that I wasn't sure how much I'd be able to do, etc.  I missed the first meeting due to out-of-state company, but made it to this week's meeting, just two chapters short of the assignment.

Several things impressed me about our group.

1.  The number of people who had signed up.  For being a small group, it wasn't particularly small.  This was so encouraging.  Reading the entire Bible in ninety days sounds like a very intense task, and I'm encouraged to know that I won't be doing it alone and that there are so many in our church willing to commit the time and energy necessary to complete this task.  It helps to know that there are so many people to keep me accountable, too.  I sure don't want to show up to a meeting and admit to twenty people that I couldn't keep up.  Sometimes peer pressure ain't all bad.

2.  The enthusiasm and honesty of my fellow readers.  The group consists of people who not only volunteered to read through the entire Bible in ninety days, but who truly desire to understand it.  They are admitting difficulties, wondering about the Scriptures, asking sometimes tough questions, and looking for answers. They are committed to completing their task, even if none of us particularly enjoy reading the instructions for the building of the tabernacle once, twice, and yet again.

Which brings me to my favorite part of my first week of these ninety days.

We all laughed in slight exasperation at trudging through those tabernacle instructions.  I don't know about you, but I'm not going to build a tabernacle, nor am I going to sacrifice a bull or present an offering of grain.  Do I really need to read such detailed instructions three times?   Even reading it three times, I can barely visualize the tabernacle.  Never having been one to make mental notes of yards, pounds, and cups - let alone cubits and shekels and ephahs -much is lost on me.  All I got out of that was a jumbled mess of curtains, rods, rings, silver, gold, bronze, blood, and flour.  Three times.

I could glean from those chapters of Exodus an idea that we should take great care to prepare our hearts to worship the Lord and to receive His presence, or that He is holy and thus worthy of our highest reverence and perfect obedience.  Either would be a good lesson indeed, but I think there's another lesson, one quite fitting the task before me.

I went home from our small group meeting and read the final two chapters of Exodus.  After page after page of tabernacle and sacrifice instructions comes this:

 Then the cloud covered the Tent of Meeting, and the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle. 

Moses could not enter the Tent of Meeting because the cloud had settled upon it, 

and the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle.

 In all the travels of the Israelites, whenever the cloud lifted from above the tabernacle, 

they would set out;  

but if the cloud did not lift, they did not set out—until the day it lifted. 

So the cloud of the LORD was over the tabernacle by day, 

and fire was in the cloud by night, 

in the sight of all the house of Israel during all their travels.  

(Exodus 40:34-38)

These were glorious words to read after trudging through the previous chapters.  I can only imagine how much more glorious than the words was the reality of God's presence among the Israelites after the painstaking effort expended in the construction of the tabernacle.  

I won't lie.  Reading through the latter chapters of Exodus took painstaking effort.  It wasn't outright tortuous, but it was undeniably tedious.  But when I read "the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle," and felt my heart swell with relief and joy, I thought I might have uncovered at least one reason why I had to read through all those cubits and shekels and blood and grain, again and again and again:  Identification with Israel.  Reading the second half of Exodus was, in a word, work.   I could have skipped it - and often have in the past - and gone straight to the final glory.  But I would have missed something big, namely the struggles and the expectancy of the Israelites.  I'm sure they were ready to be done with the tabernacle, too.  Taken alone, Exodus 40:34-38 is glorious, but its glory shines so much fuller after the gray drudgery of the careful preparation of the tabernacle and sacrifices.  I had to persevere through the tough and boring to be rewarded with a sliver of the glory that the Israelites experienced.  And I was rewarded as I experienced all in one moment God dwelling both among His chosen people wandering in the desert and His chosen child sitting on her living room couch.  

What I got out of this first week is that perseverance pays off.  While the grace of God is unmerited and free, it is foolish to expect that we can skim the Scriptures, skimp on prayer and meditation, give little thought to our ways, and still experience the full presence of God.  I pray that I will remember this lesson as I go forward and encounter other passages of questionable enjoyment.  The remainder of this ninety day adventure won't always be easy or fun, but I suspect it will be full of blessings in unexpected places.

Read on!