1. Falling Behind. I started the week a couple chapters ahead, but by the weekend, not even halfway to our Wednesday meeting, I was pitifully behind. By Monday night, with half of Numbers all of Deuternonomy unread, I wondered if I would finish by 8p.m. Wednesday. My children's Bible verse for the week did little to lift my spirits - For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Yep, I'm falling short this week...
The content of Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy confirmed the truth of Romans 3:23. Time after time, the Israelites, from the least to the greatest, sinned and fell short of God's glory, a glory hinted at in the stern consequences of sins and the precise directions for sacrifices. Falling behind in one's Bible reading is not quite on par with, say, reveling around a golden calf, but I felt a kinship with the Israelites nonetheless. However lofty our intentions, we never get it all the way right. Sometimes we get it downright awful.
2. Keeping Watch. Why did I not stick to the prescribed reading schedule? Why did the Israelites repeatedly stray from the God who'd led them out of Egypt with great signs and miracles? Deuteronomy 4:9 offers the following instructions:
Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely
so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen
or let them slip from your heart as long as you live.
Teach them to your children and to their children after them.
I confess I did not use my time carefully. We did have a busy week, with children in VBS and soccer during the week, and housecleaning and company on the weekend. But the real problem was that I flat-out wasted time that could have been spent reading my Bible. On what did I waste my time? I don't even know. Because I was not careful with my time, it slipped away completely unaccounted for. The repeated cautions to "watch yourselves" and "be careful" suggest that carelessness also led the Israelites astray, just as it continues to lead people astray today.
Many of us, myself way too often included, are not in the habit, on the whole, of carefully counting our time - or our thoughts and attitudes - and making them captive to Christ. Read II Corinthians 10:5: We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. It's a tall order, this taking captive of every... single... thought, and submitting it to Christ to determine whether the thought stays or goes. (And often, we'd rather keep the ones He would tell us to toss). Ungodly thoughts aside, there are eons of moments in which we are numb to everything, good or evil. Those uncounted moments, pregnant with unevaluated thoughts and indifferent attitudes, may not seem harmful singly, but over time amass to wasted hours and give birth to spiritually senseless minds and hardened hearts.
God cautioned the Israelites to watch themselves, to be careful, to remember what He had done, that they might not forget Him, that their awe and love for Him might not slip from their hearts. We must take His advice to them to heart. Watch yourself closely, conduct yourself carefully, remember your God always. Teach what God has done to your children and their children, that you may remember and they may know who He is and what He has done.
3. Finding Grace (or Catching Up or Being Recaptured). At last, they happy ending! Thanks to Robotics Camp, which blessed my older children with two days off school, I had some extra free time this week in which I was able to complete this week's reading. I read throughout the day in short spurts and long, and was encouraged by the gentle words of love and promise throughout Deuteronomy. The people had sinned and would sin again. I cringed a little at the warnings of being cut off and completely destroyed, but oh, the words of promise if Israel would but follow the Lord! God loved these desert wanderers who seemed to stumble and fall more than they walked. He yearned for them to follow His decrees for their good, and He longed to dwell among them and bless them beyond their wildest imagination. With every tumble they took, He picked them up, disciplined them, and promised future blessing if they would but walk in obedience. They fell behind. He waited for them to catch up... or maybe He circled around and recaptured them from behind. Whatever the case, He loved them dearly and oh, so patiently!
And so He loves us. He knows our sins, our weaknesses, or struggles. He knows it all and loves us still, longs for us, really. He instructs us not to offer bulls, goats, and sheep, but to trust in the efficacy of the ultimate sacrifice for our sins, His very own Son. He knows, even having been declared righteous through Jesus Christ, we will be careless, we will forget, we will be distracted. So He implores us also, "Watch yourself. Be careful. Remember!"
I find that as I watch myself, as I did while trying to catch up on my reading, what were previously shiftless moments are filled with purpose, and my thoughts and emotions line up to obey Christ. (Well, more so than they did before, anyhow... There are still thoughts that try to skirt the trash can!) Enormous grace rests in the discipline of watching closely, living carefully - a grace that goes far beyond finding time to read two books of Old Testament Law in a seemingly impossible time frame. It is a grace that imparts peace and purpose, that equips us to teach our children (and our children's children) the ways and nature of God, that they too might share in His blessing.
I hope and pray that I will remain watchful and careful, but already find myself slipping into habits of distractibility. I know enough of Israel's history and human nature, especially my own, to know that I'm going to forget to be watchful and careful. But I will pray and I will strive, and maybe someday I'll teach my children, and later my children's children, how God taught me to be always watchful, always careful, always reminiscent of His gracious, awe-inspiring love.
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